First dates can be both intimidating and fun, and it’s easy to get swept up in the excitement of it all, overlooking some very blatant and important signs that the charming person you are with is not a good fit for you. To save you some heartache down the line, here are some obvious red flags you can look out for. These signs do not necessarily mean that the other person is a bad person, just that maybe they are not right for you.
1) No Apparent Effort
Are they clean, punctual, and generally well-presented? Sure, everyone has their own style, so they don’t have to look like the Queen or, better yet, Ryan Gosling. They may have dreads and tattoos…. awesome! But do they have clean clothes and are they on time and are they giving the impression that they cared enough about meeting you to put in a bit of effort?
If yes, that shows a level of respect not only for you, but for themselves too. Dating someone who shows that level of respect is important.
If no…Well, if they aren’t making an effort on the first date, they sure won’t make an effort later on.
2) Treating the Waitron Badly
They say you can tell someone’s character by how they treat people who are of no benefit to them. If they treat a waitron, car-guard/valet, beggar or anyone else poorly, that speaks volumes about their true character. How they treat these people will give you a window of insight as to how they will treat you later on.
3) Checking out other people
Obviously, I am not talking about a natural reaction to someone walking past, I’m talking about them checking out other women/men while you are with them. If they’re doing that on the first date, they sure as hell won’t stop later on. Do you want to spend your life feeling threatened by every soul who walks in the general direction on your partner? No, of course you don’t!
4) Poor/ Bad Conversation
Sure, someone who looks good is nice, but can you have a conversation with them? Can you talk about something more meaningful than nail polish and the latest movie with them? Do they actually have anything interesting to say? And can you have a conversation with them about a topic that YOU enjoy? Yes?
No? Bye bye.
5) Incompatible Dreams, Goals and Ambitions
So, you don’t want to go diving straight into “what are your long-term and short-term goals?” on the first date, but at the same time you kinda do want to get an idea of what the other person is all about, and the general direction in which they are headed. You can do this by casually asking them what they love to do, and if they love their current job. From there you should be able to figure out the other person’s general direction and if it works with your direction.
For example, if you love the outdoors, and you’re training to work as a game-ranger on an African Safari, but the person in front of you likes living in the big city and works in finance…. well, those aren’t really two compatible futures.
You don’t have to have the exact same job or dreams as the other person, but they should be able to work together. For starters, you should both be located in the same place!
In order for a potential relationship to succeed you need to have similar levels of ambition, drive and you need to have similar dreams in terms of travel or non-travel plans, family dreams and financial dreams.
6) Bad / No Humor
What kind of humor do they have (if they have one at all)? Is it similar to yours?
Is it demeaning toward themselves or others? Is it making fun of people who can’t help themselves? Is it derogatory towards women, certain races, minorities, the poor, the sick or any other group of people?
Someone’s humor gives you a glimpse into their soul. Do you like what you see?
7) Making a BIG DEAL About Money
So the cheque/bill arrives… what do they do? Do they ignore it and wait for you to take care of it? Or do they pay but make it clear that it was a great inconvenience to have to pay SO MUCH? Furthermore, do they leave a really stingy tip?
How someone handles the cheque will give you a DEEP insight as to how they treat their finances. Do you want to be with someone stingy or generous?
8) Lack of Confidence
Okay, so they don’t need to be Mr or Ms Universe strutting their stuff, or be the loudest person in the room. But are they confident enough to not shy away when you speak to them? Are they able to actually look you in the eyes and speak with you as an equal?
Also, if you happen to see your friends or someone you know while you are out – does your date slink to the background or do they have the confidence to meet your friends and converse with them?
While they don’t need to be the most confident person you’ve ever met, they do need to be comfortable enough in their own skin to carry their own and not shy away from meeting your friends and family.
9) Talking About Themselves Constantly
So we all know that one person who just WILL. NOT. SHUT. UP. And worse, they only seem to talk about all things concerning them. If they bring every bit of conversation back to themselves and try to one-up you on everything you say, then you’ve got either a very insecure or selfish (or both) person on your hands. Good luck!
10) Complaining About Everything
Their food isn’t right. Their job sucks. Their coffee is too hot. And the service is terrible. You know that kind of person, right? Well, some things never change. This tells you that nothing you or anyone else does will ever be good enough for this person. Can you deal?
11) They Play the Victim Card
So life screwed them over. Their past relationship left them heartbroken. They got fired from their job for no reason… Unfortunately some people LOVE to play victim. Always. They will use whatever they can to make you feel sorry for them and play on your sympathy. However, if you think this is just a bad patch, think again. People like this usually don’t actually want to be helped, and unless you want to run around after them trying to patch their life together, it’s safer to walk away now.
12) They Are Not Over Someone Else
If they blatantly keep bringing up their ex, or they drop subtle hints here and there about someone else – pay attention! It’s a good idea to find out if they are totally over that someone else before you dive in too deep. Unless, of course, you would like to have the ghost of that past flame haunting your new relationship.
Relationships can be wonderful if you are compatible and honest with yourself and each other. This begins on date 1, so don’t overlook some of these very important signs that someone may not be good for you! Save yourself the heartache before it is too late.
Don’t be afraid to date, but go in with your eyes wide open!
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