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Tina Fey said it best in her book, ‘Bossy Pants’:

 “But I think the first real change in women’s body image came when JLo turned it butt-style. That was the first time that having a large-scale situation in the back was part of mainstream American beauty.
Girls wanted butts now.
Men were free to admit that they had always enjoyed them.
And then, what felt like moments later, boom—Beyoncé brought the leg meat. A back porch and thick muscular legs were now widely admired.
And from that day forward, women embraced their diversity and realized that all shapes and sizes are beautiful.
Ah ha ha. No. I’m totally messing with you.
All Beyonce and JLo have done is add to the laundry list of attributes women must have to qualify as beautiful.

Now every girl is expected to have Caucasian blue eyes, full Spanish lips, a classic button nose, hairless Asian skin with a California tan, a Jamaican dance hall ass, long Swedish legs, small Japanese feet, the abs of a lesbian gym owner, the hips of a nine-year-old boy, the arms of Michelle Obama, and doll tits.

The person closest to actually achieving this look is Kim Kardashian, who, as we know, was made by Russian scientists to sabotage our athletes.”

And so, as I read this, I do the mental check (as I am sure every other woman out there does the same).

1) Caucasian blue eyes: Half check -my eyes are a blue-green. (1/2)
2) Full Spanish Lips: Uhmm… semi-check. I have lips – isn’t that enough?? (1/4)
3) Classic button nose: Half check I suppose. (1/2)
4) Hairless Asian skin: …only after some waxing efforts. (0)
5) Californian tan: WAHAHAHAHA! I wish. (0)
6) Jamaican dance hall booty: Uhm… well I do squats. So guess I have a little somethin’ going on there… (3/4)
7) Long Swedish legs: PFFFFFF. I’m 5’2. That says it all. (0)
8) Small Japanese feet: I’m 5’2…. So YES!!!! (1)
9) Abs of lesbian gym owner: What a joke. (0)
10) Hips of 9 year old boy: Maybe if X2. (0)
11) Arms of Michelle Obama: I have never studied her arms. But I’m guessing not. (0)
12) Doll tits: Well, mine aren’t plastic. So, no. (0)


TOTAL:  3

3 out of a potential 12.
Dismal.
Interpretation: 3/12 = not beautiful enough.

I first read this quote about two years ago. I howled with laughter as I read it -because it’s so true.
And while it may not be the absolute truth, it is very much the universal ‘truth’ that we as women have created and come to recognize as the standard for beauty.

This ‘truth’ has both intrigued and haunted me for years. I’ve traveled around the world and met women from every continent, and every woman I have met– no matter how attractive she is – is battling the same battle and asking the same question: “Am I beautiful?”

I’ve met girls from India who bleach their skin to be lighter. Their mothers tell them: “You will never find a man to marry you if you are too dark.”

I’ve met girls from South Korea who have their eyes made bigger, their jawlines shaved, and bridges put in their noses. The competition to be ‘the most beautiful’ in Korea is so fierce that plastic surgery is a common Sweet 16th gift from parents to their daughters.

I’ve met girls in bathrooms throwing up their food in an attempt to lose weight.

I’ve met women who have had breast implants, butt implants, lypo suction, face lifts, botox, tummy-tucks, knee implants, plastic surgery on their legs, spray tans, and more…

Now, I’m not judging. In fact, these options are very tempting (I even went for a spray tan once… DISASTER) and I understand why we go to these extremes. But because I wanted to get to the bottom of why we feel the need to do this to ourselves, I’ve asked every one of them (and myself):

Me: “Why?”

Them: “Because it (that part of their body) needed to be fixed.”

Me: “Why did it need to be fixed?”

Them: “Because it wasn’t beautiful.”

Me: “Why do you need to feel beautiful?”

Them: “Because I want to feel confident and secure in myself.”

Me: “Why do you need to feel confident and secure?”

Them: “To be happy.

Me: “How will that make you happy?”

Them: “Because people will like/love me.”

Me: “Which people?

Them: *insert name/gender pronoun of person they are attracted to*

***(simplified conversation sample)

To be loved.

Loved by a significant other.

So THAT is what our need to be beautiful comes down to: To to be ‘good enough’ for love.

Intrigued, I set out to find out FROM MEN (because I personally am attracted to men) what they consider to be PHYSICALLY beautiful. I asked them informally during conversations, I conducted surveys, and I asked on social media.

I asked single men, married men, young men, old men, straight men, gay men, and men from various religious and cultural backgrounds – from all over the world.

THE RESULTS SHOCKED ME.

In my surveys, conversations and questions on social media, I asked men to specifically describe the particular features they found most attractive in women. I asked them if they had preferred ‘types’ when it came to women’s looks (and if so, then what those types were) and I asked them to assess various figures, body and facial features, and weight.

Here is a sample of one of the questions I asked in the survey:

Question 9: Which body type/s do you find MOST attractive: (you may pick as many as you like)

    1. The hourglass figure. (Big breasts, small waist, large butt and hips) Eg: Marilyn Monroe, Scarlett Johansen
    1.  A schoolboy figure. (petite, small breasts, ‘long’ torso, small butt and hips) Eg: Twiggy, Kate Moss
    1.  The pear shape (small breasts, small waist, large hips and butt) Eg: Jennifer Lopez, Beyonce, Jennifer Lawrence, Kim Kardashian
    1. The upside down pear. (large breasts, small butt and hips) Eg: Angelina Jolie, Catherine Zeta Jones, Kate Upton, Catherine Heigl
    1. The ‘normal’ (average sized everything) Eg: Britney Spears, Reese Witherspoon, Selma Hayek
    1. The athletic frame (tall, lean, broad shoulders, small hips) Eg: Jessica Biel, Cameron Diaz, Kate Middleton
  1. I do not have a preference.

Guess which was the most popular answer?

Number 7: I do not have a preference.

Men showed no collective interest or preference for any one body type. While some had their personal preferences for certain body types, I found that NO ONE of the body types was the most popular or unpopular.

Next, I gave them this picture and asked which body/bodies would be ‘undateable’.

The weight scale (I do not own this image)

The collective answer: NONE.

And interestingly enough, most of the men rated images 2, 3, 4 and 5 as most attractive.

They also were not concerned with particular features. I asked about eyes, noses, lips, skin, hair, legs, butts, thighs… you name it, I asked it.

The most common answers? “N/A”, “no preference” or “I’ve never thought about it.”

I discovered through their answers that men not only are NOT as critical and picky in terms of physical appearance as we think they are, but that they do not notice or care about half the things we stress or beat ourselves up about. IN FACT: Most of them could hardly tell the difference between women who were a size 10 and a size 4 – except to say whether they looked healthy or not.

I asked them if they had ever wanted to change something physical about a girlfriend/wife/love interest’s appearance. They all answered ‘no’.

Almost all of them commented under this question that they had never noticed any physical ‘flaws’ in the women they had been interested in –UNLESS the woman herself made him aware of something she didn’t like about her body by constantly complaining about it.

Finally, I asked each of them to ‘describe a beautiful woman’ and ‘describe the kind of woman you would want to marry’. Surprisingly enough, for each of these open questions, the answers among most of the men were the same:

Almost all of them stated that a beautiful woman is “someone who takes care of herself and embraces her own unique beauty.”

And almost all of them noted that the kind of woman they would want to marry would be “someone who loves herself.

Let us as women – all women – take a moment to reflect on that:

A beautiful woman is someone who takes care of herself by embracing her own unique beauty, and who LOVES HERSELF.

I conveyed these findings to a dear friend the other day – a woman who, at age 75, has a ‘perfect figure’, a cute brown pixie-cut hairstyle, and the most exquisite green eyes I have ever seen. She could not be more beautiful in my opinion.

She began to cry.

She wept – because for the first time in her life she recognized that her beauty was enough.

I hope it doesn’t take you 75 years to grasp the truth about yourself.

Because the TRUTH is:

It doesn’t matter if you have boy hips or hips the size of Jupiter.

It doesn’t matter if you are tanned, as white as a sheet, or as dark as dark chocolate.

It doesn’t matter if you have blue eyes or brown eyes.

It doesn’t matter if you have a Kim Kardashian ass or no butt to speak of at all.

It doesn’t matter if you have the abs of a lesbian gym owner or if you are wearing that pudding from last night on your stomach (and I hope you ENJOYED IT!).

It doesn’t matter if your tits are so big that you can’t see your own feet, or so small that you need a microscope to see them.

It doesn’t matter if you have long Swedish legs or short “climbers legs” (as so eloquently put in Bridget Jones – The Edge of Reason).

It doesn’t matter if you have a thigh gap or ‘leg meat’.

It doesn’t matter what nose you have, how big your lips or eyes or feet are, or what your arms look like (flying squirrel arms… come on!).

IT DOESN’T MATTER.

Because, in short, you are a woman.

And as a woman, when you let go of your insecurities and embrace your own beauty completely, you have power.

“Liz: Lemme ask you a question, in all the years you’ve ever undressed for a gentleman–

Sofi: –it hasn’t been that many.

Liz: Alright. Has he ever asked you to leave? Has he ever walked out, left?

Sofi: No.

Liz: Because he doesn’t care. He’s in a room with a naked girl. He’s won the lottery.”

Eat, Pray, Love

 

And THAT is the very simple and very powerful truth.

Beauty is not about you being physically perfect, it’s about you loving yourself and OWNING what you have!

“ To start telling people that you’re beautiful, or just feel beautiful, just start acting like you are the most beautiful woman in the world… And it really improves everything! Because your sort of psyche responds to it – like this is truthful!”

-Margarat Cho

Of the many men I have ever spoken to, ALL of them have agreed that the most attractive women are the ones who are comfortable in their own skin, are confident in themselves and their beauty, and who embrace their own uniqueness.

I’ve sat for hours listening to men describe and give examples of ‘beautiful women’.

And you know what? Every example has been different.

Men have often described women to me who I did not think were particularly beautiful because of my preconceived ideas of beauty. But yet, these guys consider them to be absolutely beautiful.

I found that there is ONE thing that all of these women have in common:

 “There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful, than a woman being unapologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfection. To me, that is the true essence of beauty.”

-Steve Maraboli

You see, we have been told a lie that has been passed down from generation to generation. That lie is this:

That in order to be LOVED you must be beautiful: and that BEAUTY only looks like what is being modeled before us in the media.

The greater TRUTH however, is that you must first LOVE YOURSELF and not depend on a man or anyone else for that validation. And when you love and embrace yourself, then your own unique beauty has a chance to shine through.

It’s not the women who are physically perfect who are considered the most beautiful and irresistible.

It’s the women who have learned to embrace themselves, take care of themselves and LOVE THEMSELVES.

It’s the women who have learned how to truly relish life and LIVE who have a radiance about them that is IRRESISTIBLE.

As an end note, I asked some of the men “What’s the one thing you wish you could tell women about beauty?”

What they said confirmed my suspicions yet once again.

These were their responses:

I would say go easy on yourself. In my experience many women are their own worst critics when it comes to their appearance. Most guys won’t pick up on your split ends or less than perfect bone structure in a million years. A girl that believes in herself is really attractive. Also on a more superficial level, don’t believe the media-projected images of women’s beauty. I think every guy likes something different when it comes to physical appearance. I’m convinced that it doesn’t matter how far from ‘normal’ you are, you’ll be somebody’s perfect.”

-Isaac, Australia

“Love yourself enough to be yourself.”

-Jason, South Africa

“Learn how to be comfortable with who you are first, and find happiness on your own before you try to find happiness in a man. Of course, take good care of your body, health, the way you dress, and the way you treat others. But learn how to find happiness in God first.”

-Vitor, Brazil

“Believing you’re a queen makes you beautiful, both physically and otherwise. Ladies that think highly of themselves (not in an arrogant way) are actually more physically beautiful to me.”

-Caleb, USA

“Beauty is mostly personality based… so it comes from her mind and heart.”

-Lee, South Africa

“Believe in yourself and don´t overestimate (the value of) beauty, because it will blind you for the important things.”

-Simon, Germany

“Sapiosexual.” (intelligence is beautiful)

-Jean, South Africa

“Smart girls read. Beauty emanates from the inside out.”

-Mark, UK

“That it is more than being physically attractive. Beauty is who you are, what you believe in, your values and most importantly your confidence and acceptance in yourself for who you are.”

-Stuart, USA

“Every woman has something about her that is beautiful.”

-Kelly, South Africa

“The smallest detail can make a world of difference. Beauty is not only on the outside, nor is it only on the inside. You really need work on, and combine both to show the world the perfect version of you. People will love you for it, and you’ll feel good about yourself. And remember, if you’re in a tough situation, as long as your hair is amazing you can fake the rest. Be sure to always have a good quality hair dryer and straightener (just be sure to heat-protect those locks!).

– Julien, The Netherlands

“To learn to love themselves and accept themselves by treating themselves with respect and looking after their health and fitness.”

-Grant, South Africa

“It comes naturally to you.”

-Matt, Australia

“Physical beauty is achieved through dedication and education, any lifestyle choices should be made for no other reason than self-improvement.”
-Chad, Zambia

“Confidence and self love is beauty”

-Sam, South Africa

“(Beauty) is reflecting the character of Christ. Physical beauty – that’s great, sure.”

-Jonathan, USA

“Beauty is ineffiable.”

-Matt, South Africa

“It’s not about make-up. It’s not about how much skin you’re showing or how short your skirts are or how tight your tops are. It’s about how you look after yourself, how you carry yourself as a woman, and it all starts with the way you see yourself.”

-Ashwin, South Africa

“Don’t let your identity get wrapped up in your beauty. Yes, you are beautiful, but don’t let it become who you are, and don’t let people objectify you. You are more valuable than your beauty.

Confidence, not vanity, really make you shine. Imperfections make your beauty more memorable.”

-Joshua, USA

I hope you are seeing the pattern here:

Beauty is: loving yourself.
It looks like: taking care of yourself.
It has an attitude of: Confidence in your own uniqueness rather than vanity/arrogance.

Doing the research for this article has changed my life. It has set me free from all the lies I was believing about myself and my own beauty that were crippling me and keeping me from truly LIVING.

My hope is that, by reading this, you too will be set free.

Because GIRL (or guy)… it’s time to let go of your insecurities.

It’s time to embrace yourself, love yourself and your life, just go for it and LIVE!

Like this article? Find more confidence boosting, ass-kicking insights here. 

**** DISCLAIMER: This post is NOT about finding your validation or sense of worth in men – or anyone else for that matter. It is all about realizing that YOU as you are are good enough! YOU are beautiful. And only YOU can love yourself and take care of yourself in a way that will make you truly believe it. So… OWN IT!

NEXTHow to be Confident (Without Faking)

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184 comments on “Are you beautiful? I asked 100 men what ‘physical beauty’ is and the results shocked me

  1. Jill Bond says:

    This is one of the best blogs I have ever read and it is so inspiring and uplifting to read. It hits your heart because it is so true and I have had two children in two years and I know I struggle with this daily. Thank you for writing this!!!

  2. Darla says:

    This is just the most happy making article I’ve read in a LONG TIME! I just love this. My sweet husband always tells me I’m sexy when I’m happy. I’m sexy when I think I’m sexy. I’m sexy when I’m kind. When I’m confident. Has nothing to do with my physical appearance. We women are crazy. Crazy to create this false reality for ourselves. What are we doing??! Nutzo, I tell you. This is just great! Love it. Thank you for sharing your gift.

  3. Reblogged this on Anna's Blog and commented:
    This is probably the best thing I have read in a long time! Super true!

  4. Thank you for sharing this post. This is such an important topic for everyone and your honesty is exactly what the world needs to hear.

  5. Reblogged this on ann st vincent and commented:
    I rarely reblog but this is something I wish my female friends and fellow bloggers could really believe, and I couldn’t have said it better myself!

  6. This all sounds nice, but I question the results. As someone who has studied statistics, I know how important a study’s sample is. I also wonder what is included in the comment that a beautiful woman is one who “takes care of herself.” Many times that refers to a person who is thin. Sorry. Not buying this.

    1. Rozanne says:

      Hey! Actually, I studied statistics as part of my degree – so I totally get where you are coming from! I interviewed and surveyed men from literally all around the world. I’ve been doing this for years. From guys still in high school (which are usually more superficial due to peer pressure, yes – but even they were more open-minded than I thought) to men in college, university, working and retired. ‘Taking care’ of yourself doesn’t mean ‘skinny’. It means putting effort into your appearance, and looking after your health. 😀

  7. I appreciate the sentiment of this article, especially if it’s empowering to women! However, I think there is a greater problem at hand. By telling women they should accept themselves because men like all types of girls, especially when they’re happy and confident…we are still ignoring the fact that we are SO obsessed with what men think about us. Who cares about what these guys think. The problem isn’t that we think men won’t like our bodies or appearance. The problem is we think we need approval/love from men at all, or else we want be fulfilled in life?? Relationships are great. Love is great. But men should not have a say when it comes to women’s appearances OR feelings about themselves. If anything we need to question where these values come from.

    1. Rozanne says:

      Agreed! In this very vocal world I think both men and women should actively participate in calling the good and beauty out of each other on a daily basis. We’ve pretty much got the negative stuff down… and it’s bringing us down with it. I don’t think we should rely on each other’s opinions to feel good about ourselves (that is dangerous) – but I do think we can help each other to see the truth and beauty in each other. 🙂

    2. While your sentiment is great and, excellent but I’m going to keep it real. Due to the fact that I want a relationship right now. Heck yes I want to know what guys want in a women, and, I am pretty sure guys feel the same way. I know that sounds shallow but keeping it real guys don’t walk up to a women they don’t know because of their personality, they walk up to a woman because they think that woman is attractive. While I know my worth doesn’t come from my relationships and, doesn’t come from looks men are always going to be shallow.

      1. Rozanne says:

        It’s all about working with what you’ve got and accentuating your good bits/ being confident in your own beauty. Not all men are as shallow as you think! I didn’t make up these results!

      2. David Bloom says:

        I think hear what you’re saying, but I interpret what’s happening in these situations slightly differently. In a lot of superficial social situations people will be attracted to more superficial things. As I am not the best looking guy in the world, I don’t often meet people in bars or out dancing. Most of my relationship have been with women who work in my field. We have things to talk about, we get to know each other, usually as friends/colleagues first. At that point, ALL kinds of things are attractive about another human being. That’s just how it works in my life. Can’t speak for all men, of course.

      3. Rozanne says:

        Yes of course! Thats why it’s important to work with what you’ve got, enhance your best features and take care of yourself physically and emotionally.

    3. Ricktickets says:

      I can appreciate your concern honeyandthebaker, but I believe that your opinion only works in an asexual world. You can say that no one should care what men think but you are inadvertently suggesting that no woman should be interested in male attention, relationships or sexuality. The reason I challenge your thinking is that men, too, are concerned with what their gender of preference think of them. This is hardwired into us as a species that require a partner to procreate. Though I completely agree that this should not be obsessed about and that media portrays an inaccurate image of the “perfect woman,” it is not a matter of going from black to white. Your opinion is just that but I urge you to consider everyone’s potential priorities and not simply your own. There is a solution that does not involve man hate.

  8. Reblogged this on I'm Thinking a Few Things… and commented:
    In the past I posted about beauty. I thought this post really hit the nail on the head. Now, this is as clean as the stuff I usually post, as a little disclaimer there, but I believe there’s a lot of truth in what the author posted. True beauty is really is on the inside; it is confidence and acceptance of how God made us in spite of our perceived flaws. If you couple this with presenting yourself with modesty (respecting yourself and not revealing too much), you’ve got a powerhouse woman.

  9. Kelly says:

    I am in charge of a class for young women at church. The class is teaching how important it is to take care of themselves and to let their light shine. I will use some of the comments from this blog, if I may, to reinforce what we are teaching. Thanks for a very thoughtful and informative post.

  10. Trent says:

    It should be noted that men often feel the same way as women in this regard. If a guy isn’t 6’1 or taller some girls won’t look at him. If he has acne etc. The point is that both men and women feel insecure and that judgments from both genders do and perhaps always will.

  11. Christina says:

    I am speechless. Thank you!!!!!

  12. Domh D says:

    Reblogged this on Don't Nom the Domh-Domh and commented:
    Great read!

  13. El Molino says:

    This is true to a certain extent. If a lady lets herself go, and doesn’t take care of her size for whatever reason… A man has to be sexual attracted to his significant other, but if the attraction is not there, no amount of confidence is going to replace it.

    1. Rozanne says:

      True. A woman who ‘lets herself go’ doesn’t love herself or take care of herself.

      1. El Molino says:

        Well, I don’t mean to be rude or judge people’s situations, but I know some girls who’ve suffered from medical problems/depression. Just saying, you gotta rein it back in, gotta put in the work. I don’t think it’s from a lack of self-love.

      2. Rozanne says:

        Yes – I agree with you! (But purposefully neglecting yourself is a form of self-loathing)

  14. Jeff says:

    Speaking from the man’s point of view, I agree with this wholeheartedly. If I could change any physical attributes about my wife, they would be the following:

    1) I would give her larger breasts, not because I’m dissatisfied with the ones she has, but because she’s always complaining about them.

    2) I would give her a smaller belly, again not because it causes me distress, but because she hates her size.

    3) I would fix her chronic health problems because I love her and hate seeing her in constant pain.

    That’s it. I admit that all of these are somewhat selfish because her happiness leads to my own, but I love her and find her extremely beautiful, both inside and out.

  15. qrparker says:

    I’m so confused by this. Why is the most attractive feature of a woman (her ability to gather enough millet and fruit before the winter season) not mentioned anywhere?

  16. You know that feeling, when you have a guy that you are just thanking your lucky stars has ever looked your way, and you have no idea what he saw in you, with all your flaws? Guys feel that every time we are with a girl, and as WE actually LIKE how said girl looks, we have absolutely no idea what THEY could possibly like about US. As such, while we do strive to look our best, we know there’s a limit to what we can possibly do. So we just learn to be comfortable with ourselves, and hope for that one among the many goddesses which will look our way and see past our flaws. From that perspective, it’s not really surprising that we admire women who are comfortable with who they are. It’s a form of strength. And someone with that confidence is much less likely to be selfish and self-absorbed, which we absolutely adore.

  17. A woman asking this question of men may get different replays than a man asking this question of men.

  18. Nicky says:

    I love this, BUT I have actually had several guys tell me (out of nowhere) that my cheeks are too fat and my eyebrows are weird, my butt is weirdly shaped, my arms are too chubby, and my arm hair is too much. Guys DO notice these things. These “guys” btw are pretty average guys.. not some superficial douches.

    1. Rozanne says:

      Hey Nicky!! I’ve noticed that people pick up on things that we are self-concious about. Guys used to make comments like that to me all the time… and always about the things I was most self conscious about. Now that I don’t stress about these things – no one comments. I think there is something to that…

  19. john says:

    Great article, Ill pass this on to all my girlfriends. Although I do find it strange that at the bottom of your blog about true beauty your page has an ad to “get your most beautiful body ever” aimed at women with pink writing. it undermines your whole article.

    1. Rozanne says:

      That site is a nutrition blog designed to help women understand how to better take care of themselves physically without giving up on their love for all things tasty! (I’ll admit I have to agree with you though)

  20. Reblogged this on and commented:
    This is such an incredible article. All women should take note.

  21. Joyce says:

    It doesn’t really matter what you look like. Its who you are inside. Your soul. How you treat others, when no one else is looking. There are a lot of people in the world who look at the outside, the veneer. Whether or not they ever look beyond, is up to them. I wonder if this comment will actually be posted.

  22. Ken Wagar says:

    Too bad Woman don’t look at Men the say way…Would be betting if you did the same survey with Women, to Guys, you would get a more materialistic and superficial response.

    1. David Bloom says:

      Don’t be a dick, Ken. You just come here to whine or what?

  23. Titlee78 says:

    Reblogged this on Titlees Paradise.

  24. Ha! This was awesome. I love the fact that most guys haven’t given it much thought at all. I think the biggest struggle is accepting the truth. Somewhere along the way we forgot that we were created, not spawned and we’ve lost our identity in God. As you pointed out, the search for beauty is a worldwide problem. I believe we’ve really got to start looking in God’s mirror and not the mirror of our own expectations in order to find that affirmation we’re really looking for and to actually let the truth sink in! I’ve written a bit about it here:
    http://truthandtravels.blogspot.com/2014/07/dark-mirrors-search-for-your-identity.html

  25. meganh295 says:

    What a brilliant post! Thank you for sharing it. I actually feel like a weight has lifted off me now.

  26. GuyOnAWire says:

    Fantastic story, Rozie. You’ve made a follower out of me.

  27. Hi, Vanessa Chapman sent me here because she thought I would love this post. And she was right! This is astounding to me, and so important for everyone to know. I’m tired of women beating themselves up over physical details that I’d never have noticed until they complained about it. Thank you so much for a beautiful essay on beauty.

  28. Sarah says:

    I honestly think women don’t dress up for men, they dress up for women, because women are the ones who will judge us. They are the ones we have to compare are selfs to, and they are the ones we have to compete with.

  29. I’m here because of Vanessa, too. And all I’ve got to say is YES!!!! Woman, love thy self!

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  31. Jagoda Perich-Anderson, M.A. says:

    Teenage girls need to read this article too (I hope many are). So do teenage boys, for that matter. 🙂 I suspect this is the age (with help from media definitions of beauty) that this all begins to go awry for us. I found this article through 4amWriter and glad I did.

  32. rhodie72 says:

    Dear women of planet Earth.

    Please come down to earth. Your aspirations to make yourself appear better looking in your own eyes is ruining your identity and turning us men off. This constant striving to design your body against the genic makeup you were infused with by your parents and thousands and thousands of people before you to make you so unique and you want to be Barbie Doll…

    Why?

    So you get more sex requests?
    So that men will stare at you with lust in their eyes?
    So when you’re 80 and your breasts point at your nose while you walk around with a zimmerframe and the man of your dreams has never materialised because men don’t love plastic as much as women, will you still be questing for eternal youth…

    Let me tell you something. This is a true story. I met a beautiful girl when I was a young man. I chased her like it was the ultimate dream come true and I had to have her. She was beautiful beyond belief in my eyes. She lived my elective lashes because of their length but she would not date me. I tried. she vanished from my life without a trace for over 20 years. I hunted for 3 years for her and didn’t find her. Once in a while I’d try ask people about her but nobody knew… it was sad for me.

    She thought she was ugly. The only boy who wanted her made her the most intricate cards for valentines with calligraphy and hand designed artwork that must have taken hours. Days even… “I’m not worth that effort.” She thought. So she started to diet and slim down. She met a man later on and he looked down on her and treated her badly. She dieted more. And then started the diet pills and stopped eating big meals. Then she started to give up meat and miss meals. She cut down almost all her food to a few hundred calories a day to lose weight.

    Her father took her to hospital. The diagnosis was anorexia. She had weeks to live. Her teen age size clothes looked like a tent on her. Her legs so thin that a healthy woman’s forearm was more flesh and strength. She nearly died. Several times. She left the man because he was so horrible to her and her dad made her leave him. After all that time, the beautiful woman had kept the cards from her childhood sweetheart and still has them to this day.

    The boy grew up to be a man. He was so disappointed that the woman he loved didn’t want him that he thought he wasn’t good enough for anyone. He met another girl who had him eating out her palm in minutes. She was experienced and took his innocence. She was the first girl he ever kissed. I mean properly kissed. They had a child but she dumped him before the baby was born. He only saw the child for a few hours of her lifetime, then fate carried him far away to distant lands. He waited for the mother of his child to ask him back but she never did. He met another woman. He thought that if he couldn’t be with the woman he loved he would love the woman he was with. He married the next wan and had kids with her too. The woman decided to have a few affairs and then their marriage ended. In pain and distrust he found a younger more beautiful woman who was a designer model. They had a fiery romance and she fell for child and they married. He left the country and traveled so far that he could never visit his children ever again. The heartbreak was so great That he swore this would be the last woman in his life. Abroad, he healed and grew into a real man. His love grew and his heart opened again. He sent for his young bride and their child after a time and they joined him in this foreign land. Her beauty grew and his familiarity with her looks became commonplace experience. There was nothing more to their marriage than a physical attraction that faded and jaded so fast that withing w years it fell apart and exploded into nothing leaving 2 more children without a father and a broken woman staring at the mirror trying to look more beautiful than before and find the right man who was not showing up.

    10 years passed. She was still alone. She still is alone. Her looks are fading with age. The bitterness grows Inside her. And she refuses all men until the right one comes along. Friends with benefits for her most ardent suitor until Mr. Right.

    The man moved on. He met a stranger in her home while doing some work for her one day. They spoke. They clicked. She wasn’t the most stunning woman he’d ever met but he knew in his heart that she was the woman he needed in his life. She was good looking and we’ll mannered. She had poise and charm. She like the way he thought and enjoyed his company. He tried to get her to date him but she wouldn’t. He refused to give up. He chased her endlessly with occasional phone calls until one day her friend called the man up and made a date for them in secret. The lady finally agreed to meet up with him. A few weeks later she fell ill and went into hospital for a week. He visited her every day after wotk that she was in there and they fell in love. When she left hospital he would spend hours on the phone to her. They became soul mates over time. They shared every waking moment together that they could without her family and friends finding out. Out of the blue one day he proposed to the lady and she said YES!

    They married 6 months later and have been married ever since. The lady is the true love he always wanted and he is the man of her dreams. They were born over 10,000km apart and have only spent 16 nights apart since they were married 7 years earlier. Her body is broken by illness. Her legs mishap en by disease. Both her hips are broken and he pushes her in a wheel chair when she cannot walk. He washes her hair and styles it better than the professional salon girls. He paints her nails and takes her to movies and feeds her when she’s sick. He takes her shopping wherever she wants to go in the country and stays up late at night in case she needs him. He baths her. Her dresses her. And she is fading away. They speak of the future with diminishing hope and the false nails she loves make her happy even though her fingers are bent and broken out of shape.

    He loves her. Her teeth are going crooked and her neck is stiffening. She finds it harder to walk and will need new knees someday soon. Her hips are titanium and shouldn’t have lated as long as this. She cries because she thinks she isn’t beautiful, but he looks at her and says a few simple things…

    You’re not likely to win miss universe, but miss universe will not lokely have me. I would never change you for anyone in the world because I love you for who you are. Don’t read beauty magazines anymore; they will only make you feel ugly. No matter what you think or believe, I know your are my Queen of Hearts and I never thought that I would ever have the chance to love and be loved as we do Each other.

    The man found his high school sweetheart. He remains married and faithful to his queen of hearts. He has made his peace with the girl of his youth and she now knows that he always loved her and should have accepted herself as she was and maybe things would have been different. to this day they are good friends and he encourages her to grow and keep healthy because to be the most beautiful woman on your life is to accept your best parts and your worst parts and make them your trademark because that’s what a man wants to love: his trademark lover who is a complement to his failings that their strengths make up for each other’s weaknesses and the two are strong as one!

  33. Not confident in myself, and I don’t know how to be. It’s not just in my looks, it’s in my personality. I guess I am not beautiful. I don’t know how to be confident or love myself. Faking it is not the same thing as believing it. I hate fakeness anyway.

    1. Rozanne says:

      I’ll be posting an article about this very topic soon! (about how to genuinely find confidence in yourself)

      1. rhodie72 says:

        Self confidence means no confidence in other’s view of you.

        Happiness come from within. Not from other people.

        You should look in the mirror and say to that woman: today you are going to teach me to be real.

        Write down what you think of yourself in a notebook all day everyday that you have a thought about your looks.

        After a week, guve it to a strange guy and ask him to read it back to you as if he was going to ask you on a date.

        The question you’d ask yourself is whether you’d date h based on what he’s reading out to you.

        Listen to his comments and write them down As he makes them.

        Take his comments and read them to your mirror Image.

        Who is judging you now?

  34. Luna says:

    Loved reading your post! Thank you! On my own road to re-discovery (as you might tell from my own blog) this is a topic also on my mind. We are, indeed, often overly critical about ourselves and feel that in all areas we need to be perfect beyond reproach, when there is really no necessity for that. The need is only in our heads and makes us unhappy. Our own thinking affects our confidence, value.

    Have a great day!

  35. thehappybrats says:

    Reblogged this on The Happy Brats! and commented:
    THIS….

  36. Sandra says:

    Reblogged this on Yakkergirl's Blog and commented:
    A Must Remember.
    Dad once asked me if I had considered being a model. That was the most beautiful day of my life
    He also told me to revise my posture so my bum didn’t stick out so much behind me. Not a good day.

  37. FUCK YES.

    I don’t know how many times I can “like” this article.

    I’d share bits and pieces of it to get people to read it, but then I’d just end up copying and pasting the whole blog.

    Saving this for myself and pimping it out for clients and the women in my network who NEED to hear this shit – from someone other than me for once. <3

  38. G Newport says:

    Your confidence comes from the truth, the fact that God loves you inside and out. He sees the whole of you as beautiful and pure and lovely. And the only proof I can give you for this is Jesus Christ who died for you. He died to win you back so you beauty is so worth dying for 🙂 It can be so hard to refuse to allow people to determine your worth. Something has to. But we as humans will judge ourselves much harsher than our Creator does… I want to give you hope that there is so much more to you than people can see.

  39. In my experience, there are some men who reject women based on some physical trait that doesn’t conform to some ideal they’ve worked up in their heads. Know what? Those are the ones to avoid like the plague. They are the people in this world (and women do this too!) Who will try to box you into conforming into some idea of what you should be. All too often, you yourself are the worst offender. That box you’re busy climbing into? It’s a coffin. Sooner or later your spirit will run out of air and either demand to be freed, or suffocate.

    1. Rozanne says:

      Could not have said it better myself!

  40. louella001 says:

    Reblogged this on louella001 and commented:
    Tina Fey is championing feminine uniqueness and what it means to be beautiful

  41. Nat Carter says:

    This post rocks! Bloody heart warming- just goes to show their are so many “good guys” out there. Every woman needs to read this

  42. Reblogged this on I AM and commented:
    Love this!

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