“I will not fall for any of the following: alcoholics, workaholics, commitment phobics, people with girlfriends or wives, misogynists, megalomanics, chauvists, emotional fuckwits or freeloaders, perverts.”
(Quote by Helen Fielding, Bridget Jones’s Diary)
… Said every girl, ever. And so we search for the good guys – you know, the ones who have stable jobs, relatively decent social skills, and who don’t still live with their mothers. At least that’s what we tell ourselves anyway. If we had to be totally honest with the world and ourselves, we would admit that we actually want a guy who:
- dresses like David Beckham
- has the face of Michael B. Jordan
- has the manners and accent of British Royalty
- has the personality of Jim Halpert from The Office
- has the aloofness of a cat
- (but who also has the affection and loyalty of a dog)
- is a highly paid “Human Rights Lawyer, you know”
- can cut firewood in one swift strike of an axe
- knows how to build a fire using only 1 twig and his nails
- makes the perfect cup of tea
- who will fight off every bear, person or beast who threatens to hurt you
- (but who will also be sensitive enough to massage your feet and keep the wine flowing while you both cry over puppy videos)
You would think that a man who meets this pretty standard criterion would be somewhat easy to find at a bar or club… So every Friday night, the girls of the world get dressed up in search of
the perfect man a man… you know, a good guy (A.K.A. Mr. Darcy from Pemberley). And every Sunday night, we mull over the disappointing fact that once again we did not meet Mr. Right a good guy over the course of the weekend.
And did I mention that we all want to meet said guy organically (duh) because no great love story ever started with Tinder, right? (actually, mine did… and you find out more about it here)
But the truth is that there are actually plenty of great, single guys out there, just like there are many amazing single women… the two just aren’t always meeting organically like they used to because, you know, online dating apps and stuff are way easier and seem less threatening than actually meeting someone face to face… in a bar… at night… without having a profile to check out first.
It’s easy to get into self-preservation mode when you are in a place with a lot of new faces – because it can be so damn scary and intimidating… and who knows who all those guys really are without the help of a profile to creep?
So you put that giant ‘F-OFF’ sticker on your forehead (we’ve all done it) and puff out your ‘don’t come near me‘ porcupine quills and spend the night alone with your drink dreaming about a meet-cute with a handsome stranger instead of actually experiencing one.
But, there’s a light at the end of that tragic scenario, because if you are the old-fashioned romantic type who still dreams about that organic meet-cute scenario instead of sifting through profiles on Tinder or Bumble, there are ways to do it without curling up into a ball of humiliation… and here’s how:
1. Have friendly body language
Take off that ‘F-YOU’ sticker, pluck out those quills, and relax. Open up your body instead of hunching over your drink with your arms crossed and giving everyone the stink eye. Put your shoulders slightly back, lift your head and smile! Smile with your eyes and not just your lips, and don’t be afraid to make occasional eye-contact. Oh, and try not to snarl at every guy who tries to speak to you.
2. Join a club or activity group
Join a hiking group, or a pub crawl or a painting class… literally, any group that does something you actually enjoy (don’t join the tennis club if you hate tennis) and where you stand a chance of meeting guys (probably not the pottery making class, then).
3. Comment on a shared experience
So the song that is playing sounds like creepy clown music… make a joke about it. Or the Red Socks are playing and he happens to be cheering for them… comment on the game. He’s wearing a hat with your old school logo on it… talk about it!
Basically, if you are in the same room at the same time, then you are sharing the same experience. Find a way to talk about that shared experience! For some specific lines you can use to start a conversation in any situation, download my free ebook ‘Meet a Great Guy Anywhere’ here.
4. Communicate confidence
There is nothing sexier or more inviting than confidence…. real confidence. Confidence doesn’t have to look like a supermodel strutting her stuff or that eccentric drama teacher you had in high school – it’s simply the ability to feel comfortable in your own skin. I know, I know – easier said than done… but if you’re really stuck in a sinkhole of your own insecurities, then try this: Smile. Laugh. Meet their gaze (but don’t stare). And that’s it, really. People attribute smiling to confidence, so just slap that crocodile smile across your face and you’ll be drawing people to you like cats to catnip.
To learn more about how to be genuinely confident, read How to be Confident (Without Faking)
5. Be playful
Flirting is a dying art… and many people make the mistake of thinking they have to be overtly sexual in order to flirt. But this could not be further than the truth. Tap into your child-like state and play. A few years ago, I was at a bar and a group of guys came in wearing sombreros. So what did I do? I turned to the one guy and said “nice hat” (commenting on shared experience) and then playfully took it from him and started dancing with it on (not well, I might add). He pretty much immediately asked me for my number… and so did like three other guys that night. And that was just because I was being playful, a little goofy, and having fun.
6. Ask for his expertise – make him feel good about himself
Maybe some guy is sitting alone with a craft beer in hand… ask him what craft beer he recommends you try. It’s as simple as that! By asking someone for their expertise in some or other area, it 1) creates an opportunity for you to engage with them, and 2) makes them feel really good about themselves.
“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” – Maya Angelo
Not sure what to ask? Download my free ebook called Meet a Great Guy Anywhere that gives you exact phrases you can use in various situations.
7. Ask for a favor
Perhaps there is not much of an opportunity to ask for Mr. Handsome’s expert advice, but there will always be an opportunity to ask for a favor – whether that favor is asking someone to help you get that bottle of Merlot off the top shelf at your local liquor store, or asking him the direction to the ladies room… there is always a way to create conversation by asking a question or a favor. Click here for specific questions you can ask in various situations.
8. Look deeper than the outfit and the job
Okay, so maybe he dresses more like David Letterman than David Beckham, and maybe he doesn’t know which end to hold an axe… but you know what: those are things that can be learned. They aren’t character issues and they shouldn’t be deal breakers. If a guy is single, pleasant company, genuinely interested in you and can hold down a job (he doesn’t have to be the Prince of Persia!) then don’t write him off simply because he is wearing Crocs (you can throw them out the window later!).
9. Become the proud mother of a rescue dog
You think I’m joking, but I’m 100% serious! Probably one of the BEST WAYS to meet people, is to have a dog. Why? Because dogs like to say hi to other dogs… which means you will have to interact with their human friends. Plus, it will actually get you out of the house! Of course, you should only seriously consider this option if you are an animal lover and are financially stable enough to take care of another living creature… but this is probably my favorite and the easiest way to meet people organically.
10. Exude positive energy
Lastly, but certainly not least, I have to add that negativity is a natural human repellant and the most toxic attraction killer out there. So, instead of complaining about your day as you strike up a conversation with Mr. Handsome Stranger, focus on all the good things that happened instead. It’s the difference between being the person who sucks the life and soul out of everything with an endless pit of negativity and the person who is a breath of fresh air and who Mr. Handsome Stranger would want to see again.
Positivity is just one of the most irresistible qualities that someone could posess. Ever wonder why some women always seem to have men buzzing around them, while you just hear crickets? It’s because that woman has tapped into her goddess-like qualities.
Basically, it’s not all that hard to meet someone organically. You could literally meet your handsome stranger TODAY when you go to the gym or the supermarket… the planet is crawling with wonderful people, you just need to find them! And if that seems too intimidating or overwhelming, download my ebook, Date Like A Goddess, which is designed to help you to boost your confidence levels, become the most irresistible woman in any room, understand everything you need to know about men and dating, and get the exact relationship you want. It doesn’t matter how shy you are or what you look like, you can get your dream guy and the relationship you want starting today!
Related: Quiz: What is your dating style?